How Art Helped Me Survive the Hardest Year of My Life

How art became my survival tool for the most difficult year of my life, and what research says about why creating helps us heal.

Art gave me something to focus on when everything else felt overwhelming.

During the worst months of my mom's illness, when I felt like I was drowning in grief and helplessness, I started painting. I have always loved art, but I have never been a particularly talented painter. I started because I needed something, anything, that I could control when everything else felt chaotic and impossible.

What began as desperate distraction became the thing that kept me grounded through the hardest year of my life.

When Words Aren't Enough

There were things I felt during my mom's decline that I couldn't articulate to anyone, including myself. The anticipatory grief was complicated by the guilt of feeling exhausted by caregiving, and the bittersweet mix of hoping she'd find peace while desperately not wanting to lose her. These were emotions that felt too complicated and contradictory for words.

But I could paint them. I set up my supplies at the dining room table near her bedside during the long afternoons and evenings when she was resting, finding soothing rhythm in brushstrokes while I kept watch. I painted bright shapes inspired by nature, abstract leaves, flowers, bright and bold, in stark contrast to the despair I felt about losing her. The vibrant colors felt like a small way to hold onto beauty amidst the darkness of what was happening.

Creating art became my lifeline during a difficult year.

Research backs this up: art therapy has been linked to improved self-awareness, social connection and emotional regulation, while lowering levels of distress, anxiety and even pain scores. When you're struggling to verbalize what you're going through, creative expression offers an alternative language.

The Science Behind Creative Healing

I didn't know it at the time, but there's substantial research supporting what I was instinctively doing. Studies have found that art therapy has been successfully used for patients with mental disorders with positive outcomes, mainly reducing suffering from mental symptoms.

Art therapy is used to reduce conflicts and distress, improve cognitive functions, foster self-esteem, and build emotional resilience and social skills, engaging the mind, body, and spirit in ways that are distinct from verbal communication.

When everything felt like it was falling apart during my mom's illness, art became the one thing that made sense.

What makes art particularly effective for processing difficult emotions is that it bypasses the parts of our brain that try to logic things away or explain them rationally. Healing doesn't necessarily come from understanding why we feel something, it comes from simply expressing that we feel it.

What Art Gave Me When Everything Else Failed

Control in chaos: When I couldn't control my mom's illness or slow her decline, I could control what colors went on the canvas. That small sense of agency mattered more than I can explain.

Permission to feel without explaining: Nobody asked me to justify why I painted something. The art spoke for itself, which meant I didn't have to.

Something productive from pain: Grief can make you feel like you're just existing, not creating or contributing anything. Making art turned my suffering into something tangible, something that had form and presence.

A reason to focus: During the hardest times, having a painting in progress gave me something to do with my hands and my racing mind. It was better than scrolling or just sitting with the weight of everything.

You Don't Need to Be "Good" at Art

What stopped me from starting for so long was the belief that art was only valid if I was talented. That creating things was only worthwhile if the end result was beautiful or skillful or worthy of displaying.

Art therapy is used to reduce distress, improve cognitive functions, foster self-esteem, and build emotional resilience.

But art as a therapeutic tool has nothing to do with talent. It's not about creating something that looks good to others, it's about the process of externalizing what's internal. Art therapy helps gain self-expression, self-awareness, learning and personal development, as well as improve contact, communication, and interaction with other people.

Some of my most healing art sessions produced nothing that I'd want anyone else to see. But making them helped me process emotions that desperately needed an outlet.

How to Start When You're Struggling

If you're going through something difficult and feeling stuck, here's what helped me:

Start with supplies that feel approachable: I began with acrylics because they felt less permanent and intimidating than watercolor or oils. Find whatever medium doesn't make you anxious about doing it right.

Give yourself permission to make "bad" art: The goal isn't a gallery-worthy piece. The goal is expression and processing.

Set small time commitments: Even 15 minutes of painting or drawing can shift your emotional state. You don't need marathon art sessions.

Focus on color and texture: If you don't know what to paint, just play with color combinations and different brush techniques. The process matters more than the subject.

Keep it private if that helps: You don't have to show anyone what you create unless you want to. This is for you.

Art as Ongoing Practice

Months after my mom's death, I'm still painting regularly. It's become less about processing acute grief and more about maintaining emotional equilibrium. Creating art is now part of how I take care of my mental health, alongside other practices that keep me grounded.

I'm planning an art show, which would have seemed impossible during the worst months. But displaying this work feels important, not because the pieces are perfect, but because they represent survival. They're proof that something meaningful can emerge from difficult times.

If you're struggling right now, I hope you'll consider picking up a brush, a pencil, or whatever creative tool speaks to you. You don't need talent or training, just need permission to express what you're feeling in whatever form it takes.

Sometimes healing looks like creating something from nothing, even when (or especially when) everything else feels like it's falling apart.

Has creative expression helped you through difficult times? I'd love to hear about what creative outlets have supported your healing journey.